I hate hospitals but it wasn’t really all that scary. All the needles and stuff. It wasn’t that bad. I’ll tell you what the scariest thing is to me; the scariest thing to me is Johnny. It is. He didn’t say nothin’. Not one word. At least I don’t know what it is and I think he really did want it, too. Just a boy . You know how I know? I heard him tell your Pa to paint the cradle brown. You just wouldn’t put a baby girl in a brown cradle. You just wouldn’t. I don’t know what he’s thinkin’. It’s not my fault! And all that time and all that stuff I got and all those months, it was just all for nothin’! And those fuckin’ doctors, they think they know everything but they don’t know anything! They don’t know anything! Oh, I don’t understand! I don’t understand. Why would God let this happen? Why would He? I just wanted something good to come out of all this. I mean it… I really mean it.
