Don’t you ever talk that way to me. Nyaahh! Gyadah! What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week. Which is the way he wants it. Well he gets it. And I don’t like it anymore than you men.
Oo la. Oo la. Ooo Lucille. Baby. … Hey Lord, whatevea I done, don’t strike me blind for anotha coupla minutes. My Lucille. … That’s Lucille you mullethead. Anything so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille. … Hohohohuaha. … Shut your mouth about my Lucille.
My loyalty! For twenty-four years people have been trying to kill me! People who know how. Now do you think that’s because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think that’s because I’m an American spy? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!
CHER: So, O.K., like the Haitians need to come to America but some people are all, “What about the sprain on our resources?” And it”s like, when I had this garden party for my father”s birthday and it”s all catered, you know, I said “R.S.V.P.” because it”s a sit down dinner. O.K.? People come that like, didn”t R.S.V.P.! And I”m buggin”. I have to haul ass to the kitchen, re-distribute the food and like squish in extra place-settings and people are on mismatched chairs and all. But by the end of the day it was like “the more, the merrier”. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen and re-arrange some things we could certainly party with Haitians. And in conclusion, may I remind you that it doesn”t say “R.S.V.P.” on the Statue of Liberty.More Monologues from “Clueless”RelatedShareTweetPin
I’m a little tired, perhaps, but I feel peaceful. Your success today was, to a small degree, my success. You will live now, secure and safe… You have been my friend. That, in itself, is a tremendous thing. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my own life a trifle… I will not be going back to the barn… I’m done for, Wilbur. In a while, I’ll be dead. I haven’t even strength enough to climb down into the crate…
CHER: Don”t sell yourself short, now you”ve got something going for you that no one else at Beverly has. I mean “mystery”. As far as everyone”s concerned you were the most popular girl in your school. Everyone”s curious, and the fact that you hang with De and me… You have to take advantage of this window of opportunity. Let”s see… who”s available? Brandon, Bronson… Oh! I got it! Elton”s single now. He just broke up with Valette. He was in debate with us. He did the in favor of animal testing speech. In fact, I noticed him scoping you out. Tscha! In fact, he said you gave him a toothache. It”s an expression. It means he thinks you”re sweet.More Monologues from “Clueless”RelatedShareTweetPin
No! I used them! You don’t think I would’ve let it happen if I hadn’t wanted it to, do you? I was an experimental girl, for Christ’s sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you, I wasn’t given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that’s you and I, got together, and suddenly, I was sated. Can’t you take some comfort in that? You turned out to be all I was ever looking for, the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle! Look I’m sorry I let you believe that you were the only guy I’d ever been with. I should’ve been more honest. But it seemed to make you feel special in a way that me telling you over and over again how incredible you are would never get across. Do you mean to tell me that while you have zero problem with me sleeping with half the women in New York city you have some sort of half-assed mealy-mouthed objection to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? What the fuck is your problem?
TAI: I”m glad you”re here. There”s something I want to do and I”d like it if you were there with me. This is stupid junk that… reminded me of Elton that I thought I”d save forever. But now I want to burn it cause I am so over him. O.K. remember when we were at the Val party and the clog knocked me out and he got a towel of ice to cure me? Well, I didn”t tell you but I took the towel for a souvenir. Then once my pen ran out and I borrowed one from him. And remember the song playing when we danced? “Hip Hop Hurray”. I got the tape and listened to it every night. It”s like, once you know someone who is so much better than someone you think you liked then that someone starts seem like nuthin compared to the other one, ya know? Look, you”ve got to help me get Josh. You know what I mean… I tried to fight it but I just can”t. He”s the only guy I ever really cared about. I know it”s impossible, but you keep saying “Carpe Diem” and you”re so smart at this stuff. Anyway, I lost five pounds. I passed the driver”s test, I”ve been totally straight, I feel good about myself and like I deserve a guy I love. It”s all because of you. You”ve been such a good friend. College guys like less make up and he told me to read “Beyond Good And Evil” but it”s too confusing so I”ll get the Cliff”s notes.More Monologues from “Clueless”RelatedShareTweetPin
Oh , say it again , Fred … Where’s the fire, huh? Amos ain’t home till midnight. Hey, I don’t want you to feel like I’m nagging at you , but don’t you think it’s time I met your friend down at the Onyx? It’s been a month since you told him about me. And I know ’cause that was the night Velma Kelly plugged her husband and her sister. You know they say that she found ’em in the kip together? Gosh , if I ever found Amos slipping it to somebody else… I’d throw him a great big going-away party. … I have been thinking a lot about my act. Whenever I get a good idea I write it in my diary. It occurred to me the other day that all the really, really knockout acts have something a little different going on. Like a signature bit. And I thought that my thing could be aloof, you know? Give ’em just enough to get ’em good and hungry, but always leave ’em wantin’ more. Hey, once I get a name for myself, maybe we could open up a club of our own . You could run it, and I could be the headliner. What’s the idea?
C’mon Babe, why don’t we paint the town… And all that Jazz. I’m gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down… And all that Jazz. Start the car I know a whoopie spot… where the gin is cold but the piano’s hot. It’s just a noisy hall, where there’s a nightly brawl… And all that Jazz.
…
My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we’re at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there’s Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.