Back to the Future (Biff Tannen)
What are you lookin’ at Butthead?
1077 Best Movie Monologues
Back to the Future (Doc Brown)
1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts?! Great Scott!
Bad Boys 2 (Marcus Burnett)
Shit just got real.
Bananas (Fielding Mellish)
Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts. Uh, we have more locusts than, uh, locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos, despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin.
Barbershop (Eddie)
Boy, look, look! Look! Your daddy may not had a whole lot of money. Oh, but he was rich, because he invested in people. What’d you think? You think I was the only one he gave a job to, Calvin? No! That man opened up the doors to anybody and any knucklehead around here in the city of Chicago that wanted to come down here and make somebody out themselves. Gave the opportunity to be somebody! A licensed professional barber. Now, me, myself, personally…I wouldn’t gave half these bail-jumpers the opportunity. But, you know, it’s just hard enough. You sit in there and try to cut somebody’s head and gotta worry about this fool over there trying to shank you. But let me tell you something. At the end of the day…the end of the day, I was glad I was here. And now you!
Batman (The Joker)
Wait’ll they get a load of me.
Be Cool (Sin LaSalle)
Have you lost your mind? I mean, how is it that you can disrespect a man’s ethnicity when you know we’ve influenced nearly every facet of white America. From our music to our style of dress, not to mention your basic imitation of our sense of cool – walk, talk, dress, mannerisms. We enrich your very existence, all the while contributing to the gross national product through our achievements in corporate America. It’s these conceits that comfort me when I’m faced with the ignorant, cowardly, bitter and bigoted who have no talent, no guts. People like you who desecrate things they don’t understand when the truth is you should say ‘Thank you, man,’ and go on about your way.
Beautiful Creatures (Ethan Wate)
“No! I’m sick of listening to your family. I have been chased, spun, hypnotized, paralyzed, and damn near killed by your family. I have been going out of my mind for the past two weeks, then your mother shows up on my door step and damn near gives me a heart attack but you know what. I don’t care about them, about the curse, you are not going dark and you are not losing me! No matter what you do, no matter what they do to me, I’m still here. Now what does that tell you?”
Beautiful Girls (Gina Barrisano)
You’re both fucking insane. You wanna know what your problem is? MTV, Playboys, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you okay? Girls with big tits have big asses, girls with little tits have little asses. That’s the way it goes. God doesn’t fuck around, he’s a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits, and the skinnies little, tiny niddlers. It’s not my rule. If you don’t like it, call Him. Hey Mitch. Thank you. Oh guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that? Yeah, that’s nice, right? Well, it doesn’t exist, okay? Look at the hair. The hair is long, it’s flowing, it’s like a river. Well, it’s a fucking weave, okay? And the tits. Please, I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits, by design, were intended to be suckled by babies. Yes, they’re purely functional. These are silicone city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being so unruly and all. Very keen. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, collagen, plastics, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush, these are not real women, alright? They’re beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, hi Bob, our cellulite, seem somehow inadequate. Well, I don’t buy it, alright? What you fuckin mooks, you think is that there’s a chance in hell that you’ll end up with one of these women you don’t give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It’s pathetic. I don’t know what you think you’re going to do. You’re going to end up 80 years old, drooling in some nursing home, and then you’ll decide that it’s time to settle down, get married, have kids? What are you going to do find a cheerleader? Charge it, Mitch. Oh, eat me. Look at Paul, with his models on the wall, his dog named Elle Macpherson. He’s insane! He’s obsessed. You’re all obsessed. If you had an ounce of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound: beauty is truly skin deep. And you know what? If you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you’d be sick of her. Get over yourself. … No matter how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there’s some other shit going on in the relationship besides physical, it’s gonna get old, okay? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip, otherwise the future of the human race is in jeopardy.
Beauty and the Beast (Narrator)
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?