871 Best Play Monologues – Opening Monologue

Why Cupid Came to Earl’s Court (Harry)

Category: Play Role: Harry From: Why Cupid Came to Earl's Court

Harry says

Sounds almost funny, doesn’t it, after working for it and passing?

No, I suppose it doesn’t.

Call it ingratitude, waste of time and money, whatever you like. They are all the right words.

I’m very sorry about it, but there it is. I’m a fool, and you can’t alter me. I do. I was working to do well in my M.D. for two reasons.

First because I wanted to show you that I understood and was–awfully grateful to you for having gone without things to pay my fees and keep me.

And second–Well, that’s it. The second reason has suddenly crumbled. I’ve worked for nothing as far as that’s concerned. I didn’t know until just now. Don’t ask me what it is. It sounds feeble enough.

But I’m the sort of idiot who goes in for building up castles in the air, and a castle is no good to me unless the right person is going to share it with me.

I’ve made a hopeless mistake, and so I shall chuck everything and go out to Canada, or somewhere, and get on to something else.

Wild Honey (Anna Petrovna)

Category: Play Role: Anna Petrovna From: Wild Honey

ANNA PETROVNA: How can you say that? How can you lie to me, on such a night as this, beneath such a sky? Tell your lies in autumn, if you must, in the gloom and the mud, but not now, not here. You”re being watched! Look up, you absurd man! A thousand eyes, all shining with indignation! You must be good and true, just as all this is good and true. Don”t break this silence with your little words!There”s no man in the world I could ever love as I love you. There”s no woman in the world you could ever love as you love me. Let”s take that love; and all the rest, that so torments you – we”ll leave that to others to worry about. Are you really such a terrible Don Juan? You look so handsome in the moonlight! Such a solemn face! It”s a woman who”s come to call, not a wild animal!All right – if you really hate it all so much I”ll go away again. Is that what you want? I”ll go away, and everything will be just as it was before. Yes…? (she laughs) Idiot! Take it! Snatch it! Seize it! What more do you want? Smoke it to the end, like a cigarette – pinch it out – tread it under your heel. Be human! You funny creature! A woman loves you – a woman you love – fine summer weather. What could be simpler than that? You don”t realise how hard life is for me. And yet life is what I long for. Everything is alive, nothing is ever still. We”re surrounded by life. We must live, too, Misha! Leave all the problems for tomorrow. Tonight, on this night of nights, we”ll simply live!RelatedShareTweetPin

There”s no man in the world I could ever love as I love you. There”s no woman in the world you could ever love as you love me. Let”s take that love; and all the rest, that so torments you – we”ll leave that to others to worry about. Are you really such a terrible Don Juan? You look so handsome in the moonlight! Such a solemn face! It”s a woman who”s come to call, not a wild animal!All right – if you really hate it all so much I”ll go away again. Is that what you want? I”ll go away, and everything will be just as it was before. Yes…? (she laughs) Idiot! Take it! Snatch it! Seize it! What more do you want? Smoke it to the end, like a cigarette – pinch it out – tread it under your heel. Be human! You funny creature! A woman loves you – a woman you love – fine summer weather. What could be simpler than that? You don”t realise how hard life is for me. And yet life is what I long for. Everything is alive, nothing is ever still. We”re surrounded by life. We must live, too, Misha! Leave all the problems for tomorrow. Tonight, on this night of nights, we”ll simply live!RelatedShareTweetPin

All right – if you really hate it all so much I”ll go away again. Is that what you want? I”ll go away, and everything will be just as it was before. Yes…? (she laughs) Idiot! Take it! Snatch it! Seize it! What more do you want? Smoke it to the end, like a cigarette – pinch it out – tread it under your heel. Be human! You funny creature! A woman loves you – a woman you love – fine summer weather. What could be simpler than that? You don”t realise how hard life is for me. And yet life is what I long for. Everything is alive, nothing is ever still. We”re surrounded by life. We must live, too, Misha! Leave all the problems for tomorrow. Tonight, on this night of nights, we”ll simply live!RelatedShareTweetPin

Winter’s Tale (Autolycus)

Category: Play Role: Autolycus From: Winter's Tale

Autolycus says

Ha, ha! what a fool Honesty is! and Trust, his
sworn brother, a very simple gentleman! I have sold
all my trumpery; not a counterfeit stone, not a
ribbon, glass, pomander, brooch, table-book, ballad,
knife, tape, glove, shoe-tie, bracelet, horn-ring,
to keep my pack from fasting: they throng who
should buy first, as if my trinkets had been
hallowed and brought a benediction to the buyer:
which means I saw whose purse was best in
picture; and what I saw, to my good use I
remembered. My clown, who wants but something to
be a reasonable man, grew so in love with the
wenches’ song, that he would not stir his pettitoes
till he had both tune and words; which so drew the
rest of the herd to me that all their other senses
stuck in ears: you might have pinched a placket, it
was senseless; ’twas nothing to geld a codpiece of a
purse; I could have filed keys off that hung in
chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my sir’s song,
and admiring the nothing of it. So that in this
time of lethargy I picked and cut most of their
festival purses; and had not the old man come in
with a whoo-bub against his daughter and the king’s
son and scared my choughs from the chaff, I had not
left a purse alive in the whole army.

Winter’s Tale (Leontes)

Category: Play Role: Leontes From: Winter's Tale

Leontes says

Thou want’st a rough pash and the shoots that I have,
To be full like me: yet they say we are
Almost as like as eggs; women say so,
That will say anything but were they false
As o’er-dyed blacks, as wind, as waters, false
As dice are to be wish’d one that fixes
No bourn ‘twixt his and mine, yet were it true
To say this boy were like me. Come, sir page,
Look on me with your welkin eye: sweet villain!
Most dear’st! my collop! Can thy dam?–may’t be?–
Affection! thy intention stabs the centre:
Thou dost make possible things not so held,
Communicatest with dreams;–how can this be?–
With what’s unreal thou coactive art,
And fellow’st nothing: then ’tis very credent
Thou mayst co-join with something; and thou dost,
And that beyond commission, and I find it,
And that to the infection of my brains
And hardening of my brows.

Winter’s Tale (Time)

Category: Play Role: Time From: Winter's Tale

Time says

I, that please some, try all, both joy and terror
Of good and bad, that makes and unfolds error,
Now take upon me, in the name of Time,
To use my wings. Impute it not a crime
To me or my swift passage, that I slide
O’er sixteen years and leave the growth untried
Of that wide gap, since it is in my power
To o’erthrow law and in one self-born hour
To plant and o’erwhelm custom. Let me pass
The same I am, ere ancient’st order was
Or what is now received: I witness to
The times that brought them in; so shall I do
To the freshest things now reigning and make stale
The glistering of this present, as my tale
Now seems to it. Your patience this allowing,
I turn my glass and give my scene such growing
As you had slept between: Leontes leaving,
The effects of his fond jealousies so grieving
That he shuts up himself, imagine me,
Gentle spectators, that I now may be
In fair Bohemia, and remember well,
I mentioned a son o’ the king’s, which Florizel
I now name to you; and with speed so pace
To speak of Perdita, now grown in grace
Equal with wondering: what of her ensues
I list not prophecy; but let Time’s news
Be known when ’tis brought forth.
A shepherd’s daughter,
And what to her adheres, which follows after,
Is the argument of Time. Of this allow,
If ever you have spent time worse ere now;
If never, yet that Time himself doth say
He wishes earnestly you never may.

Yesterday (He)

Category: Play Role: He From: Yesterday

He says

Never! Oh, I beg your pardon. No — no, I never married. Hadn’t the time, matter of fact. I dare say she is the mother of a large family now. Oh, dear me, how times do change. As I was saying, I was very much in love with her, at the time–at the time, you understand. But the family–her family, you understand, rather objected to me, so I–I broke off the whole affair, joined the Indian service – -and I’ve been quite content, quite. See her? See her? Oh, dear, no. It might be–er–rather, rather embarrassing for both of us. You see, we were practically engaged at the time. That is, I hadn’t come right down to asking, but you know how some things are understood, so to speak.

Where You Can’t Follow (Matt)

Category: Play Role: Matt From: Where You Can't Follow

Matt says

Say, um. You wouldn’t want to come with me, would you?

I know we don’t know each other. We might not even get along once we get to know each other but . . . I dunno. I just thought I’d take a shot in the dark. You seem nice.

And you’re beautiful and Paris is a city to fall in love in and I’ve never fallen in love, I’m sad to say.

And I look at you and think maybe I could fall in love with you. Is that ridiculous? Is that too much? I’m sorry. I just -my life is changing and I don’t have time to fool around any more. So what do you say? Will you come to Paris with me?

Where You Can’t Follow (Matt)

Category: Play Role: Matt From: Where You Can't Follow

Matt says

I guess I haven’t done as well as I wanted. In life. My time is ending.

And I didn’t mean to be an asshole. It just sort of happened. But I don’t want to die an asshole.

So I want to apologize. I’m sorry for living such a stupid wasteful useless life. I’m sorry for being selfish and for the all the times I didn’t care about other people. I’m sorry for not appreciating the good things in front of me. I’m sorry I didn’t go after what I wanted. There were no good reasons. I was just afraid and it’s stupid to live your life afraid. I’m sorry for the times I was mean and petty. I’m sorry for lying for so long to myself and to other people. I wasted my life not ever really being alive. She made me live finally. And I should have told her right away. Of course I should have. It was cowardly. It was selfish. I just wanted her. And I didn’t think she felt how I felt. But I guess she did, didn’t she? And now, it’s too late.

Where You Can’t Follow (Matt)

Category: Play Role: Matt From: Where You Can't Follow

Matt says

Hey! (They ignore him.) Hey! Hey! You! You two! Why are you kissing?

Why do you get to kiss each other?! I don’t get to kiss anyone.

Everyone wants me to go away. I’ll be dead soon. I’ll be away for good then. Will that make you happy? Hey! I said, will you be happy when I’m dead? Don’t stop talking to me. This was good. It was a conversation.

Are you in love? Hey! Are you in love? Hey! Hey! What’s your name? Hey, there! Hi! Hey! Are you in love? Are you in love? Are you in love?

I was in love.

I’m dying! Hey everyone! I’m dying! Are you going to hit a dying man?

You’re a tough guy. I could have been a tough guy. But then I wasn’t. I should have been a tough guy.

You gonna hit me? You gonna hit me?

You don’t know anything. You don’t have some kind of secret. You’re just fucking each other. That’s easy.

That wasn’t love.

Thank me.

You’re welcome.

When Is a Clock (Bronwyn)

Category: Play Role: Bronwyn From: When Is a Clock

Bronwyn says

I was a clock. This hairy man with red wet eyes put me in a bag and brought me home and put me on his mantle, just above an imitation stone fireplace. His wife saw me and didn’t think anything of it. Just one more little thing around the house. I don’t know how she could have missed what was happening right in front of her. My wooden doors, my two hands, my little the mechanisms whirling, my cherry wooden frame… I could see him looking at all the tiny parts as his wife droned on about the price of gasoline. I never felt so…. Loved. When he was gone, I’d watch his wife read magazines and masturbate. Then he’d come home and go straight for me, smiling and making sure I was wound. After dinner, when she would wash up, he’d take me and then open up my doors and clean me gently. The first time I was frightened. I mean, I wasn’t really

a clock, I thought. What if, opening me up, he’d kill me outright. But, instead of tiny organs, I could see my metal insides in his glasses. It was

uncomfortable, the pipe and brush. I felt like I would burst out laughing or crying. But I couldn’t get caught, so I settled into it, relaxed into it, for

the sake of secrecy. the third day my mind completely changed and even knew this process as relief.

(Pause.)

The hard part was leaving him.