Helen says
HELEN
I didn’t love Jim very much.
(Pause.)
Maybe at all, really.
MARCUS
That’s not very funny.
HELEN
Not it’s not very funny. No. It isn’t. I thought it was going to be, but then I
said it.
(Pause.)
I think she…I think she thinks he reached out to me and that I could have
helped him.
MARCUS
He called you?
HELEN
All the time.
MARCUS
When?
HELEN
All the time.
MARCUS
I didn’t know that.
HELEN
Well. Well well. Well. Yes. He did. I hadn’t talked to him in years. For a
reason. He wasn’t my lost love. He would call me, and I would think “Why does
he keep calling me?” I didn’t want to see him. I don’t want to talk about him
like he was someone I’ll miss. I guess I didn’t ever love him at all, honestly.
He was a habit I formed, but then I broke that habit.
(Pause.)
I mean, if I loved him I would have answered the phone or responded to e-mails.
But I did not, and I never would have, and even now, I’m glad I didn’t. I
didn’t want to be involved. I still don’t. I’m here because you asked me to be,
because I was curious, maybe. You seem nice. A better friend than he deserves.
Deserved.
(Pause.)
Anyway, I get the impression that Tamara thought if I had maybe talked to him
or picked up the phone or bothered to whatever-it-is she thinks I could have
done, he’d be okay right now. But of course, he wouldn’t be. He wasn’t even
doing well when we were married. Before we were married he lied to me. Even
then.
(Pause.)
She thinks I don’t care that he died. I’m not even sure that I do.