2 Best Ed Monologues – Opening Monologue

The People (Ed)

Category: Play Role: Ed From: The People

Ed says

What’s the matter with us is our friends. Just what would we be going on for? To make a few more people like the dear ones who have just left us? Seems to me we could best serve society not doing that. Precisely what do we do? –aside from getting under the bed in Bronxville. Now and then something particularly rotten is put over and we have a story that gets a rise out of a few people, but– we don’t change anything. T

he People. I looked at them all the way across this continent. Oh, I got so tired looking at them–on farms, in towns, in cities. They’re like toys that you wind up and they’ll run awhile. They don’t want to be expressed. It would topple them over. The longer I looked the more ridiculous it seemed to me that we should be giving our lives to–

(picks up the magazine and reads)

“The People–A Journal of the Social Revolution.” Certainly we’d better cut the sub-title. The social revolution is dead.

Snow (From Five Short Plays) (Ed)

Category: Play Role: Ed From: Snow

Ed says

I’ve been careful, always very careful. Before touching a woman I put on rubber gloves. Some women are taken aback sure, when you pull out rubber gloves and dental dams but what kinds of women are those? … women that know they have diseases. And those are not the type of women I want to know in any case. So when people ask me if I’m upset at being a virgin at my age, I say no way.

I’m just looking for a clean woman. I am not against kissing … I just want to make sure her mouth is well cleaned first. If she would brush her teeth and then gargle with mouthwash for a minimum of sixty seconds. I, of course would also brush and mouthwash. I like cleanliness, that’s all. We are all dirty. God knows I scrub my hands before putting those rubber gloves on.